Public Service Announcement

Don't forget to defragment your hard drive!

If you're running some variety of Microsoft Windows^®, it's probably: Start > Programs > Accessories > System Tools > Disk Defragmenter.

At the office, I had a virtual machine image that was fragmented into 110,263 pieces.

I feel bad about making my PC work over a holiday weekend.

Anyway, while your hard drive is rearranging itself, your assignment is to think of ways to defragment your mind.

If I did drugs, I think I would do drugs while watching a disk defragment. I think that could be a really enlightening experience.

Let me know if you try it.

Take A Look Ahead

It finally happened!

So maybe this sounds weird to you, but for as long as I can remember, I've had this reoccurring thing in my mind where I wonder if two radio stations are ever playing the same song at the same time.

I tend to flip between stations anyway, avoiding commercials and hunting for the right song amongst the six presets on my car stereo. But I'm not (typically) listening to any "hits" stations that are just cranking out the Top 40, which means these guys are usually working through catalogs of hundreds or even thousands of songs, many of which won't even overlap between any two stations. Anyway, the odds of two stations running the same song at any given moment are ridiculously tiny. But it's not impossible!

Because today, at 6:45pm Central, I casually flipped from The Drive to The Loop, only to hear the magical sound of... the exact same song. I didn't believe it at first. I wanted to, but I thought maybe I hit the same button again by mistake. I thought maybe all Boston songs just sound the same. No, it was real. I spent the next minute or so gleefully flipping back and forth between the two, reveling in a delight I had heretofore only imagined. I hope I didn't run a stop sign or something.

In the grand scheme of things, this probably isn't a big deal. But now, today, this moment, finally, I have it:

Peace of Mind.

I'm Not Dead

I'm getting better

Well, if you're one of my anonymous fans or possibly some kind of sentient web crawler bot, you may not have known that I was cast in a play and decided to take a hiatus from writing blog posts because my brain had begun thinking strictly in terms of dialogue and I didn't want to inadvertently commit any felony plagiarism.

But the show ended yesterday, so today I make my epic return to run-on sentencing blogging.

Patent 4,864,898

Lives on my kitchen counter

I have used that particular item probably a hundred times. Carried it with me often. Held it in my hand. And yet I didn't notice it had a patent notice etched into the side until today.

I think life is like that sometimes, don't you? No, not life... I mean, maybe love. Yeah, I think love is like that sometimes. You carry it around with you and then one day you notice it has a number written on the side and you have to stop and it really makes you think about how people are, um...

Okay, you know what? I have this little bottle opener on my counter that's on the same ring as the key to the back door. And I noticed it had a patent number etched on the side, but I can't decide for you whether that means anything or not, so I'm just going to keep enjoying this beer, alright?

Because life is like that sometimes. Or love, or whatever.

Untitled #30

...

It's quiet.
Here.
Where is here?
Are my eyes open?
No, it's not quiet--
It's loud.
I can't feel my eyes.
Are they shut?
Why is it loud?
I don't feel my feet.
My hands.
I don't feel my eyes.
My face.
Am I asleep?
No, too loud to sleep.
Voices but I can't listen.
Stop talking so I can listen.
Look.
Are my eyes open?
It hurts behind my ear.
No, both ears.
In between.
And my face.
God, it's loud in here.
What is loud?
If I could feel--
I smell blood.
Remember.
Breathe.
I'm breathing.
Good.
My face hurts.
My eyes hurt.
I smell blood again.
I recognize your voice.
Don't understand.
Words.
Nothing.
Will my neck move?
It feels loose.
Are my eyes open?
I can't feel them.
May be shut.
Talk slow.
I can't hear you.
Four months.
My arm.
It's too heavy.
My elbow.
Now I feel it.
Pain.
Am I breathing?
Yes, it was four months.
Move.
Right.
I'm cold.
God, my neck.
I liked it quiet.
Don't want to feel my eyes.
Okay, asshole--
Do it then.
I know, four months.
Yes, lean.
I know.
Quiet.
My ear again.
Shit, now I remember.
Four months.
I know, it's time.
Hold on.
Trying to make it quiet.
Wait.
So I can feel my eyes again.
I heard.
Let me think about it.
I'm cold.

Word Of The Day

Is "coincidence"

Not that I'm at liberty to give out details (nor would any of you be interested) but I'm working on a software project that involves a good deal of medical terminology. Yesterday I decided I was going to try to learn the meaning of one word from the application every day, so I started with a good one: serosanguineous.

Anyway, imagine my surprise and fascination when today I opened dictionary.com to find that their word of the day is sanguine.

My word today is exudate, in case you're playing along at home. And yes, I realize this terminology is somewhat esoteric!

Conversation With A Beach Boy

It doesn't even matter which one

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older? Then we wouldnt have to wait so long.
Actually, I'm fairly content at this age, but I'm surprised you didn't wish for youth. What are we waiting for, anyway? Retirement?

And wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?
Tell me about this new world. What is the cost of living? I'm not sure I'll need a roommate.

You know it's gonna make it that much better when we can say goodnight and stay together.
Never mind. I don't like where this is going.